The Cold

The last week in Canmore has been an interesting one. When we got back from Silverstar we were greeted with frigid temperatures. Canmore was like a ghost town, no one was walking around on main street, no cars were driving and evidence of our van that had turned into an icebox around lake louise definetly all pointed to a very uncomfortable arrival home.

Even the first two days, I tried to remain positive, but after not being able to fullfill the volume block of training on my plan, I started to panic a bit. Then I started thinking about intensity and how I would keep things moving forward from the first races and well all I could think about was how much I wanted to go home to Ontario.

It is now only -14 in Canmore. Which is much more tolerable and I can do intensity in this weather too. We did do a 60 min z3/4 pursuit yesterday in -18 which is legal for races, so I figured I would have to get used to racing in the cold, slow snow. I was pretty tired at the end, but happy that I did it because I feel a lot more confident on this snow then I had other years.

The nordic centre is still taking their sweet time with opening the world cup loops- I am very anxious to get on these and do some intensity!

We have lots of workouts planned as a group which will keep things sharp.

have a great day!

Brooke

Haywood NorAms #1 and #2

Hi There,

We just returned from two weeks in Silver Star for the first two NorAms of the season. Overall they went really well, I feel like I've been able to transfer a lot of my strength from the summer and fall onto skiis and I am definetly a lot fitter then I was last year.

The skate sprint was great! Although after the qualifer I wasn't all too happy. I had qualified in 17th and had to claw my way through the heats. I have actually never skiied that aggressive and without so much as a negative thought and then all of a sudden I was lining up on the startline for the final. I noticed I was a lot calmer through the heats then I have normally been and I think this saved my energy! I ended up 4th on the day, my best sprint result ever!

The 10km skate individual start was pretty good. I followed my race plan to a tee. My lap times were about 2 seconds apart. So I think that maybe I could start a bit harder. Lesson learned. I ended up 4th again. Bitter sweet because I was only 9seconds off of a medal! BUT I am very happy and content with where my skating is for this point in the year and also that we haven't let up on training at all. So I am pretty excited to start to taper a bit!

The 15km skate mass start was okay. From and effort standpoint I did what I could on that day with what I had. Unfortunatly it wasn't enough to hang with the pack and I finished about 1minute back, which I am not overally happy with, but I know that I have to just trust that when things come together they will really come together. It was more of a battle with myself and knowing that I had to be tough and that is what would pay dividends later.

The classic races were a bit tougher for me. It took a few days to recover emotionally from the distance race, but when I looked at objectively I really can't be too upset. There are no excuses for the performance, but I definetly have to dress warmer for cold weather and start to read the terrain better so that I don't burn my arms out, I think it is also important in adverse conditions to just keep your blinders on and race your own race. I was racing everyone elses race except my own. So a tough result, but a good lesson!

Its pretty cold here in Canmore, but it seems that everyday its warmer then -20 it seems to be like a balmy sunny day! After the NorAms the one thing I'm sure of is that I need to learn to race and ski better in cold conditions, so I decided to stay here for Christmas and just aclimatize and work.

I think the first set of NorAms went pretty good. Of course I want the win and I can feel it getting closer. I'm pumped for trials and I'm excited to just improve again.

See you on the trails!

Brooke

Some Thoughts

wow, I'm impressed with my blog updates this week...I'm sure I will forget soon enough. Sometimes I like to write things here because I know I can go back to it when I forget...

This year is going to be hard. There are no easy days or easy races. Everyday I pull that bib on I have to go into the race ferocious and ready to fight. There should be no thoughts other then "what can I do to get there the fastest". Fight for seconds- the field WILL be tight, lots of women have stepped it up and there are lots of youngsters coming up. On race day age, past races won or lost, experience, or injury fade away. Its you against yourself- dig deep and tuck a little longer, free skate out of the downhill, propel yourself over the top of the hill, challenge yourself to go faster in the middle of the race, fight through the sticking points, accept and relish the pain, know that the pain is only temporary and you can always overcome what you inflict on yourself.

Go for it. Stomp it. Claim it.

Cheer for yourself. Believe in yourself.

Be Relentless.

and don't forget to smile. If your a nordic skiier you already know its the greatest sport out there and you already know that there is no better job that that of a full time athlete!

Get ready to pounce!

Brooke

QUOTE OF THE DAY

"Perhaps the greatest human tragedy of all is watching people abandon their innate personality and simply discard themselves along the side of life's road"

Jump in with both feet, fight to reach your potential and above all believe that anything is possible if you are willing to work hard enough for it.

SKIING IN LAKE LOUISE!

SNOW!!
We are finally skiing!
The World Cup Academy are staying at the Lake Louise Inn in Lake Louise. Currently Moraine Lake Road is groomed and in perfect condition! It feels awesome to get on snow and see how the strength work I have done this summer has paid off. So far, my classic skiing seems to huge difference, and I can't believe I'm saying this, but I almost enjoy it more then skating now.

We have had some beautiful days and I am so excited to wake up in the morning and hit the trails.

Tomorrow we have some intensity or a sprint race simulation! I think the biggest thing for me when working on speed is just to keep my technique in control. Sometimes by trying to just go fast without thinking about keeping your legs and arms in line it seems to make it worse and frustrating.

Have a great day!
Brooke

VO2 Testing Photo...its not pretty!

Testing, Ego's and Belief

Today was day two of testing week.
On Wednesday I did a V02 max test in Calgary which was pretty interesting. I'm definetly fitter and stronger then I was in May, and thats really the key thing about testing! However, I will say that I was pretty nervous because really its you against a treadmill and most of the time, regardless of your physiology, if you can muster up enough courage you will always find that you can push harder then you thought.

Today was the uphill double pole test. I felt pretty good and because of the dual start I was able to ski with Kate who has a lot higher tempo then me, and that is definetly something I had to work on. There was a pretty annoying head wind which for most of us except for Kate would mean that our pb's would remain at arms reach, but I am trying to not think so much about that, but rather the effort and if I could have done anything differenly to earn some precious seconds back that I lost to two of our ankle biters- my ego took a bit of beating. HOWEVER, I have to say that back in May I was not even close to them and I don't think I EVER predicted in my wildest dreams that I would want to win or be the fastest in a double pole...anything. So even though I am a little bummed that I didn't "win" I know that I have improved so much this summer and I am definetly pumped to get on the startline and to FINALLY have confidence that I can hold my own in double poling!

The other thing I noticed about myself after this test today is that I can go WAY harder then I thought and I also have more in me after that effort, the thing is it didn't come from me being fitter. The difference was that I think I am finally grasping the idea of believing. On Wednesday during the VO2 test I wanted to stop, I didn't think I could bare andother second on the treadmill (I'm sure my caveman like form is proof of this) but I just started repeating to myself "you got this, you so have this" and voila I was able to prove to myself I am strong and I am capable of anything I put my mind to...this of course was coupled with the Kate, Mike and the two lab people screaming at me...however it kind of sounded like they were yelling in slowmotion!

Then today when Mike said we had to do another lap up the hill after what I thought was our last round I had to quickly switch gears and say to myself "I can handle this"...and you know I still could push through a lot of the lacate that had built up in my arms and now that I new what tempo was, the third time up actually felt a lot more in control and stable.

So yeah, its been pretty fun to know that at 28 I am still improving and to gain some confidence back in my speed and power. I am definetly curious to stand on that startline and see where my body will take me!

snow should start flying soon!
b

wow, what a start to the week.
Right now I am trying to eat as much as I can I feel like a train has hit me. Yesterday I ran a 5km time trial on a track...yes, I just said that evil word. We decided to see what kind of speed I had in me because I've been running well on the trail, and I also wanted to use it as a test to not be intimidated by the track. For all the years I spent running, I dreaded track, and lived for cross country. I really only ran track because I had to and because my friends were on the team!

We had set out to run between 18min and 18:30, which I think I am capable of, however I fell off the pace pretty hard, I just didn't have that extra gear to turn it over the the last 12oom and so I was a little off the pace. BUT the good thing is that I am about 10lbs heavier then I was when I ran track, so its a good gauge of fitness for this time of year. It was also great to have the Foothills YRG kids out running around the track too.

Today we had a 5hr overdistance planned for highwood pass. Thankfully Mike drove me down as there was no way I was rolling down! I would say that this was a good workout for me because at the start I was pretty much convinced that I wasn't going to be able to do much more then an hour, but ipods and drink mix do incredible things, coupled with the boys who were double polling, I could keep up with them on my skate skiis.

Other then that I think I am recovering quite well- we'll see how tomorrow goes!

5 Peaks- Canmore 13.7 km Trail Race

On saturday I raced my second trail race of the year. The race was held at the nordic centre which is definetly a plus! I've made it my mission this year to get as fit and confident as I can on this course, mostly for the ski season, but running and bounding are also great measures of how hard you can push on the world cup courses. Lately I've been surprising myself as places I would normally heed the advice of the voice saying "take it easy here" I have been pushing it aside and trying to find an extra gear or to just trust that anything is possible if you believe in yourself enough to just try it!- usually you end up finding out that the sky is the limit and you are the only one who can make the decision to go harder and dig deeper and once you figure out that you are in control of that, it makes racing a very different ball game!

I would love to say I took this race out tactifully and easier and that I made a plan of attack. When the gun went off any race plan I had made went right out the window as there was a girl from the university of Calgary Track team who basically took off from the start. I had a moment of thinking about letting her go, but decided to go with her and give her a run for her money. Basically the only thought I had was "this is MY course", I love the downhills and I love the relentless climbs. I looked down at my heartrate monitor at km 2 and it read 185...but I kept on the heels of the girl in front of me, knowing that once I hit the single track and downhills I could try to put a gap on her. I was actually shocked at my confidence- normally I think something is wrong if I'm with the leaders. This time I felt I belonged!!

I managed to put a small gap of about 150m into her until the 11km mark and she went blowing by me at warp speed. Oh yes, I forgot that track runners are fast on flat land if given the chance! So I had to muster up the courage and try to find some speed in my legs- I didn't quiet catch her, but for me, it was definetly a great race! I haven't ever felt in control or confident in my physical ability, so this was a very big turning point.

I'm pumped to race again- whether it be running, rollerskiing or bounding, but I want to keep on developing this new found feistiness and eventually I know I will be able to hold it until the end!

see you on the trails!

The race season is coming up FAST.
Get obsessive.
Be Relentless.

5 Peaks- Kananaskis 12k Trail Race

Today I ran my first trail race in a while. I haven't actually done a pure running intensity or workout in quite some time. As part of the Salomon trail team this year, I thought I would scope out one of the 5 peaks races before we head into our third training camp tomorrow afternoon.

The race was held at the base of the Delta lodge/Ribbon Creek trail system. Consisting of all double track trail, this was a pretty amazing course. Oh and not to mention in one of the most beautiful venues, it is still so hard for me to comprehend that I live here and the mountains are in my back yard.

With some music pumping we headed out for the 12 km trek. Lately I've been working on not going out quite so hard and saving a little for the end- or atleast not redlining at 1km in. The race climbed for 3.5 km from the start- so I had to practice a little self control. I would say I was successful in holding back, but I still have some work to do in pacing as panic sets in when I can hear others breathing behind me.

Then we had a sweet downhill (3km) bombing back down approximately to where we started and then took a sharp left and headed out for some more gradual climbing coulpled with some short steep climbs to add a little bit of an insult (haha). There was another awesome downhill section before we headed for home.

I finished 1st and then 10th overall. 55min at altitude with a ton of climbing. I think it is a pretty good time, its hard to tell?! Don't compare it to the road thats for sure!

To top it all off I tried out the new salomon Speed cross 2, they have a pretty narly tread on them! I would say these are sweet for racing, but you might want something with a little more cushioning for training such as the xt wings shoe!

I feel like I am in pretty good shape now, for sure some work to do, but I'm happy with where my fitness is.

ciao
xb

NEW SPONSOR ANNOUNCEMENT: SILVERTIP RESORT

I am very excited and honored to announce that Silvertip Resort in Canmore, AB has signed on to sponsor me this year! I want to extend a huge thank you to Ross Jansen, Eric Ommundsen and Jim Little for their support and enthusiasm for my pursuit to make the Canadian team for the World Cup, World Championships in Liberec, CZE and the 2010 Olympics. Please click on the logo in the side bar of this blog to visit Silvertip's website.

The financial support will help pay for the Alberta World Cup Academy team costs, as well as offsetting the time I miss from work.

CALL FOR SPONSORSHIP

Ah yes, that time of year again!

Financial support in amateur sport will always be a bit of a struggle- I could give you the sob story of how I eat tuna fish out of a can, but it is not true. I'm not a starving athlete! I train hard, work hard and manage to make ends meet the best I can while still having a bit of room to breathe. However, this year, with x-c.com putting the breaks on their racing program I have been left with a substantial amount of costs with the World Cup Academy. Don't get me wrong, every penny I put into this sport and the Academy is worthwhile- and I am not in it for the money. I love this sport beyond what any tangible or monetary item it could bring. That said, reality is, I need money to pay for the coaching, travel and Academy fees.

If you or if you know of anyone interested in sponsoring an athlete please send them my email address or forward this link- I have a sponsorship package and a dvd full of photos and proposals to make a financial relationship work...I also like long walks on the beach and candlelight dinners...in all seriousness though, there are a few options to ensure that there is something gained from sponsoring me, and of course I am always open to suggestions.

brookegosling@yahoo.com

Regards,

Brooke

SILVER STAR SPRING SNOW CAMP 2008

Well April is done! That means rest is done and playing and having fun...just joking, the real fun just started!

After making the switch to the Alberta World Cup Academy this spring, two days later I was on my way to Silver Star, BC with the rest of the 15 new team members and two coaches.

I will be honest here and say that I was not at all prepared to go from blasting around the trails with my uber fast running friends and dancing it up on friday nights to being back in athlete mode. So the first three days of the camp I spent being grouchy and not sleeping. The mistake I made was trying to seperate the two "lives". So on day four I decided to stop fighting the fun vs. business sides of sport and just let the two coexist- after that I was back to my normal self- even throwing in a bit of a hammer ski and a trail run. BALANCE YOUNG GRASS HOPPER!!!

We worked a ton on classic technique- however my quote on day two of the camp was "I just don't feel like absorbing technique or taking constructive critism" yes, that was my nice way of saying "leave me the *^&% alone"...note to coaches and teammates, I have a mean streak! (sort of?)

It puked snow on two occasions, leaving us with a beautiful, perfect winter wonderland!...on May 9th!!!....but it didn't really stop me from loving it! My favorite conditions are deep wet snow- so I was all up for a good day of cruising slowly!

Canmore is warming up nicely and I'm happy!? to report I did my first rollerski intensity yesterday- I forgot how much I love to hammer!!! This is going to be a great summer!

cheers,
Brooke

MAY 1- giddy up

What am I doing this year?? by this year I mean from May 1- April 1 (the Nordic skiier calendar).

I just accepted a spot on the Alberta World Cup Academy! After a month of debate and questions and worry about how I will be able to financially afford this I decided that it is the best option for me at this point in time!

However, I don't want to sign off before making a point of expressing how amazing my parents are. After phone call after phone call filled with tears of not knowing how to proceed with the 2008/2009 season (see previous posts) today they told me that they would help make it work. This is not the first time that my parents have seemingly found a way to believe me more then I think I believe in myself. Afterall this is just as much their pursuit (without the sweat of course) as it is mine and if I do well then it is something that echos through my family and similarly if I get my heart broken (and I'm not talking about guys) they are the first to scoop me back up on my feet and tell me to try again.

My priorities this spring have changed drastically and my love for the sport as grown exponentially because of this shift in thought. Instead of skiing being the be all and end all of life, it has become a part of my life and something that complements who I am- it doesn't define me.

This april has been so refreshing and I think I have mastered the perma-grin. There is not one thing I would change! Life can be so amazing if you allow yourself to enjoy it!- who knew!!!???

May 1st!!!! GAME ON!!!

That Time of Year...

Down time is definetly not my strong suit. Atleast in the past two years it hasn't. Last year I took 7 days off and then started racing mountain bikes. This year, was a different story- I haven't been on my bike and I took a FULL three weeks off completely from training! I was exhausted.
The past season was awesome! I improved a ton and I got to race in my first World Cup and then I travelled to Europe with Dasha and some others.

However, today they posted the National Team. I didn't make it. I knew that it was going to be a a bit of stretch, but I will say that I am still a little upset and there were definetly tears- I guess I just kept believing up until today and my heart kind of just did a dive bomb. A lot of people have told me that I had a great season and I was so close and that I should be on the team, but I'm not, and I know I need those coveted world cup points to have made it. At the same time I am a bit confused about what I need to do. I can't be bitter, its a waste of energy. So now I just surround myself with the people I love and those that understand and see what happens- this is the life I chose and supported by the National Team or not I have to find a way to be the best!

The cool part is that I know I have improved and I know I have a lot left in me. During February and march I could feel that I was getting stronger and that it will just take another summer of training, of focusing on every step and training with a purpose and goal everyday. I know I can make the Olympic team, I believe I can.

The thing is the realization of knowing I need to believe and then implementing that unwavering confidence in yourself seems to be where I get a little lost. Okay very lost. I bombed the world cup for no other reason then I was completely and utterly petrified. How can you be petrified of a dream? or furthermore of a dream that you are living and chose to live? the only answer I have to this is that failure and doubt just immobilize you to the point that it screws up the habit all of us Nordo's and endurance athletes have worked so hard to make a habit- the ability to just push and go into a pain cave. What I realized at the World Cup is that I am just as fit as any of those girls, I have great technique, but I am still scared of pushing it and taking a chance when it matters. Its kind of odd because I take chances all the time in training and smaller races. Sometimes I blow up, but more often then not I don't. So the biggest goal this summer will be to take more chances in intensity and race simulations- I can't play it safe anymore.

I should have confirmation of what I will be doing for the summer and 2008/2009 season shortly and will let you know the direction then.

However, what I do know is that I am hungry to win. I'm hungry to race and that more then anything is what is important to me!

Thanks to everyone for the support this year!

Final Standing in Canada: 6th Distance (moved from 12th last season), 7th Sprint (moved from 26th last season)...thats pretty awesome!!! :) FIS world Cup Eligibility!!! WOOOHHHOOOO

And I wonder why I take bad action shots!!...

WHISTLER NATIONALS UPDATE 2008

I am trying to upload a pdf. file, but I can't...please check back later for update.

2008 World Cup 10km Skate Photo.

Girls and Skiing- OFSSA

Whoa! I just checked the OFSSA (Ontario High School Champs) Results.

There were 140 Sr. women. 140!!! Why can't we retain even 3% of this field. Its clear that at the Highschool and younger levels there is a high volume of girls not just skiing, but racing! But at the Noram Sr.Women Level there are on average about 20-25 female starters?

Now if we could only rally the other provinces to have a HS racing system such as Ontario, I think there would definetly be a lot more girls interested in pursuing this sport when HS is done.

I know this is huge can of worms to open and almost impossible for me to write a well articulated and research based argument as to why there are not that many female skiiers at the top level in Canada. What I can say is that opportunity and experience are two things that must exist in order to expose jrs. and Srs for that matter to understand that this sport is something you can pursue.

I didn't know anything about World Juniors until I was 19, and even then I didn't know that it was a stepping stone to something bigger, I didn't know that it was an experience that prepares you for the Sr. Ranks or that it opens your eyes to the highest level of skiing and provides the knowledge base to start working harder at a younger age.

All I know is that 140 girls at a highschool skiing event is huge, its positive and kudos to the coaches (I know many of them) who have continued to inspire and share their love for this sport!

Alberta Cup- Tawatina and Athabasca

This weekend I travelled with the Foothills Ski Club (as an assistant helper to the Youth Racing Group) to the Alberta cups in Northern Alberta. By Northern Alberta I mean 5 hours North or Calgary. We stayed in Westlock, home of the world record harvest!

I will admit the actual towns lacked a little bit of pizazz, BUT the ski trails did not dissapoint. Tawatina had some of the funnest trails I have skiied on in a long time- they had lots of rolling and twisting sections, coupled with some punishing uphills. We didnt' get to race a distance race on these courses, but I will say that if we did, they would be pretty tough- there isn't a moment of rest anywhere. The problem with courses on the praries is that no matter if you can see the lodge, for some reason I always get lost. This time I wasn't the only one, a lot of the parents who were on a ski between the heats of the sprints were also lost!

Then we raced at Athabasca on some pretty crazy courses for the distance classic races. The course was pretty much a single track luge course- there were small briges, two technical icy downhills, long climbs mixed with short steep harringbone hills- You pretty much changed technique every 100m, it was AWESOME! I love this style of racing a lot more then grinding my way to the top of a mountain and then coming rocketing down. I love the idea of having to pace, look ahead and adjust your technique- it is a lot more fun and interesting.

I just wanted to thank Chris Jeffries, Mike Cavaliere and the Foothills group for letting me tag a long!!

Brooke

Skiing In Italy a video

I thought that you might like this...you have to turn up the volume.

Sometimes you Surprise Yourself!

Wow, Italy was incredible!
The skiing in St.Martin, IT was fantastic. Everyday we skiied there wasn't a cloud in the ski, the tracks were perfect and the temperature ideal. If it wasn't for the race course set up I would have led myself to believe that I was on a holiday- a perfect holiday.

First of all I want to thank my Dad, Mom, Grandparents, Uncle Philip and Elkhorn Resorts as well as Eric D'Nys, Dasha Gaiazova, Rhonda and Gord Jewett, Phil Villineuve and Chris Butler and I suppose I should thank Silvertip Resort for allowing me the flexibilty to leave for such a prolonged period of time - now that I re-read that list, that is a lot of people who helped get me to Europe. And again, this echo's just how incredible a support network I have.

So I suppose you want to know about the actual reason I was over there, the OPA cup. I wish I could say I went over to improve my sprinting prowess! Unfortunatly the few fast twitch muscles (okay the one fast twich muscle) I believe I have didn't really get quite as amped about the sprint as I was. I finished 18th out of 23...but hey I had to start somewhere, and really it was an 800m flat speed course that was over before I had time to blink! So I didn't get to start in the heats in the extremely cool downtown night sprint venue. So I went and drank some hot wine, apple cider and ate chocolate- its a close second to the actual racing! :)

After the sprint race we had Saturday to inspect the course for Sunday's 30km, checking out the start and finish, as well as where we would take feeds and get poles if they were broken.

There are three words I can use to describe this race: 1)Carnage, 2)Scary, and 3)Chaotic.

The race was not a typical format start. It was a loppet format. Meaning we would start with the Men. Now I want to take a moment and explain something about loppet skiing that I have observed over the last little while- Master Men do not like to be beat by girls. That said, the OPA Cup starters started ahead of the Loppet skiiers. So starting 2 minutes behind me were 300 angry Italian Men waiting to trample me. Basically at the start I was screaming my head off on the down hill because people were falling everywhere, poles were breaking everywhere and I had lost the womens pack (or so I thought). The first ten minutes were spent keeping my poles high enough in the air that no one would step on them, and then trying to stay on my feet and then trying to locate any of the OPA women- as the main purpose for my trip, although I hate to admit it was to get the points to be world cup eligible.

The thing with this race is that it didn't calm down at any moment. Every second and ounce of energy went into staying on my feet and trying to perform well. At about 10km I finally started to catch the tail end of the women's pack- let me just say that I am a very confident two-skater, I love this technique and there is nothing I love more then cruising at a fast pace two skating!. At the turn around the train kind of bottlenecked and I found myself blocked in by a bunch of men. I knew that if I didn't make a move now, I wouldn't be in contention for anything (at this point I didn't know what place I was). So I jumped in the classic tracks and created a new technique, frantically doublepoling with one arm and marathon skating into the forest off the trail trying to get around the men who were in no way letting me by. Finally I had an opening!! and jumped back into the two lane train...I took a quick glance to my left and saw two German women who I recognized from the world cup in Canmore. I had finally caught the women! I was so excited! a few minutes later after the train stretched out a bit (finally at 20k the men were getting tired) One of the french girls went cruising by so I jumped out and followed her. Then we entered the climb and I zig zagged through a few more girls. I knew we only 2 or 3km from the finish so I just started sprinting as hard as I could- knowing that these girls were going to go full blast at any moment. The only thing I can remember thinking was just keep hammering, don't fall, just go, just go and then it was over! I had no idea what place I was or what I had done. Then the Swiss Wax tech came up to me and said I had a good race, a really good race, that I was 5th. At that time I was pretty sure he was wrong and just smiled. BUT when I looked at the results I was 6th. It took a few seconds for it to sink in. I was 6th in a field of extremely good women and I was only 41seconds out of 1st. Wholly crap I just had the race of my life. I wanted to cry or jump or something. I had been waiting all season, no for the last three years for this to happen. To finally be proud of myself, to finally smile in acknowledgement that I CAN do this.

I didn't want to think about points at all. I just wanted to be happy with a good race, but as we cooled down I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed that I might not have earned the points I needed and so desperatly wanted- not so much for "selection" or "criteria", but I wanted a tangible number that is universal in skiing to tell me I was "good enough". This of course is the allusive FIS points. I need under 90FIS to be eligible to race in any European World Cup. It doesn't matter how I place in Canada, if you don't have these points it doesn't matter if you are winning every race in Canada, you cannot race in a European World cup (or so we are told). The other fear I had is that next year, because of my age I need 75 FIS to be eligible (according to Canada) yes, its extremely complicated and I try not to worry about it because as my coach says, if you just race eventually the results will come.

Well the results did come and I am happy to announce that I am now the proud owner of 69 FIS points!! (I sound like I bought a house- in a lot of ways, for the amount of money, sweat and tears I put into this I think I could have bought one by now!)

So what happened? why did I race well in Europe and not here in Canada? Simply put, it comes down to experience. The more you race a higher level, you will improve. Your body gets use to the speed, and for me, most of all, the stress and nerves are easier to deal with. During the Canmore World Cups I was so nervous I couldn't breathe, but when I went to Italy, I was more prepared, I knew what to expect and therefore could be more relaxed.

The other thing that made a difference is that I stopped racing for points and placing. I raced to race. I wanted to be absorbed and focussed for 100% of the duration of the race. I wanted to experience the journey in a positive way. Not, stressing out about wax, sleep, points, competitors. I just wanted to get to a state where I was relaxed enough to let my body do what it knows how to do best..HAMMER! We practice all summer and fall to teach our bodies to handle lactate and pain, yet sometimes the stress of the race, or what a good race could bring can hinder this natural habit to be able to hammer/ push hard. Instead of just racing as hard as you can, thoughts of failure, doubt, anger and bitterness cloud the reasons you chose to be a part of this sport.

I am not saying that now things are perfect. I still don't get to go to Europe to race world cup and I still am not on the National Team. Simply put, I need to create that state and race like I did when it matters most to the selection committee...but all I can do, and all that is ever in anyone's control is just to do the best you can with what you are given on that day. Beyond that it is a waste of energy and it takes away from the fun of competition, it changes who you are for the worse.

At the risk of sounding cheesy, as my mom always says "race from your heart thats all you can do".

Next up: Nationals at Callahan Valley!

EUROPE!

Hey There,
so this will be pretty quick.
After Easterns and the Dartmouth Ski festival I made a quick decision to go to Europe for 10 days (maybe longer?) I spent my first day in Zurich and had one of the best days of my life! For no other reason then I was completly content! Zurich is beautiful! Between the shopping, the city, the food the architecture and art, the river, the gorgeous people, chocolate and coffee I would move to Europe in a heartbeat. Everything is accessible via, plane, train, bus or boat. This is even more apparent in Italy where there are "ski busses" everywhere and they just drop you off at the side of the road where perfect ski trails meander there the Dolomites here. Right now I am staying in Welsberg, IT (google it...it is beautiful). The first thing I noticed were the mountains and then the beautiful architecture and then the lifestyle...oh and the cappuchinos!

So far this trip has been amazing!...other then eating too many bakery goods!

EASTERNS....PODIUM!!!

I travelled to Ottawa to participate in the Eastern Canadian Championships last weekend. Despite being uncertain if I wanted to even continue racing, I'm glad I went! the women's field was a little bit diluted, as three of key distance women were missing, but otherwise it was a great weekend and a chance to try some new things.

I finished 4th in the sprint and 2nd in the 15km classic. Given it was a slightly dilluted field, I decided to try a different tactic...no matter what GO HARD, RACE GUTSY, DON'T BE AFRAID TO FAIL...as it turns out, it works!

The sprint was so much more fun when I approached it with confidence- I mean who doesn't love a super hilly, mushy course? Okay I may be the only one as it seems to slow the "pure" sprinters down. I was coming into the finish in 3rd and got out lunged by Andrea Dupont- however, I never saw the photo finish photo. Either way I need to learn how to do that!

Then Sunday was the 15km classic Mass Start. This is my worst event. I dread it. BUT not this time, I forced myself to be confident and it seemed to pay off. We started hard and kept the pressure on. After 2km there were four of us left and after 7.5 I was still with Dasha- it seems though I just ran out of steam and lost a bit of focus over the 2nd lap as I got dropped, but it was a good race for me and I'm excited that I actually felt comfortable classic skiing.

A GOOD QUOTE

"Human greatness begins where submission to fear ends. You cannot become wealthy like Bill Gates without first casting aside the fear that you will fail, without risking capital and prestige. You cannot become a Winston Churchill if you are intimidated by the evil power that you must fight. You can’t get a college degree if you’re afraid of taking tests, and you can’t win an Olympic gold medal if you’re afraid of losing a race. It is courage, not caution that leads to great success.”

I was on Sarah Hall's (a US Distance Runner) blog and she posted this quote. I thought it would go hand in hand with my last post...fear of failure is what keeps you pushing forward, but it cannot paralyze your thoughts to the point that not failing is all that matters...

Some thoughts

The World Cup week is over.

Initially I felt extremely bitter, upset, and frankly, pissed off. I spent the last three days in tears, even going to such lengths as breaking down in tears at work in front of co-workers and then trying to convey to them exactly why I was so upset.

The thing is I don't really know what I was/am so upset about, other then I wanted to be the best I could be on the most important day of the year. There were no expectations of me from anyone at any angle, but I found a way to load as much pressure as I could on to my shoulders to the point that I didn't even know why I was racing anymore.

I lost sight of what was important, why I was there and who I was. You can't have a good race when you can't see through a thick fog of the "what could be's", the "what if's" and quite simply an insurrmountable amount of stress.

I didn't ski for the experience and I certainly didn't ski for me or with my heart. I skiied scared of not succeeding- and you absolutley cannot have those thoughts.

The 10k skate was better then tuesday's pursuit, and I was determined to have fun- and I did and I felt like things were coming back together, but a conservative first lap doesn't always lend itself to a gutsy performance...I was afraid to fail. I played it safe and had a good result, but not a result that echos my fitness level or ability. I was paralyzed this week by the fear of "not making it" and now that I have pinpointed it, I think I can move forward.

The last email I sent to my coach stated " I don't think I can move past this" (this was also typed in tears just prior to a colleague knocking on my door-- I was so embarressed!)

Today is a better day and I am slowly shaking the self doubt and replacing it with "fight harder" and "you can do this". ITS NOT GOING to be easy in any way shape or form. Its always going to be hard- but the satisfaction of looking your fears in the face and fighting them is unparalled to anything else.

At first I thought I should quit...but thats the easy way out. I don't ever do anything the easy way...its not in me to quit or to back away. I have been faced with a lot of set backs and a lot of dissappointments, but to come out of them and look back on them and then see where I am now...well its just a temporary lesson. I've learned the lesson and now I need to use it to get faster.

The World Cup Stars are the best in the world because they have stuck through it, they have fought harder then anyone else, they know themselves, they know how to approach challenges and they know how to tiptoe over the edge of potential and defy what they thought was possible. I have to start believing that anything is possible. I have to start believing in myself. I am on the bubble- but I got here in 2yrs...I don't think I am doing anything wrong or that I haven't performed well, I just haved reached my potential.

The most inspirational performances were from Sarah Daitch and Madeline Williams (and of course Chandra- but she has already been on top and has found the recipe to do it again) they both hit their stride this week- I will admit I was green with jealously because they did what they needed to do on the day it mattered. BUT most of all they have worked so hard and have bounced back to perform and prove to the rest of us "independents" that its possible to break through...you just can't be afraid too. I wish them all the best on the World cup over the next month- I'm sure they will light it up!

So now I'm off to Ottawa for Eastern Canadian's...I love this event, there are hundreds of skiiers, great energy and moreso and chance to re-focus an remember why I ski...

Thank you to all those who have sat through the tears the last few days...I'll see you on the trails soon!!

Tough Day at the Office...

First of all the World Cup is quite possibley the coolest thing I've ever been a part of! Between the course, the cheering crowd, the music, the announcers, the teams from all over the world and the energy of the day, cross country ski racing doesn't get much better!

The race didn't go as I had wanted- it actually went pretty bad. I didn't ski for me, I skiied for some allusive placing I had no idea would be so hard to get. I forgot that I was in a World Cup and just couldn't focus on the moment and on myself. This coupled with slow skiis and a body that wouldn't cooperate on the day didn't make for the best of races. Its definetly a start and I am hungry to race again, but this time to prove to MYSELF I can do this. Basically I had a really bad race on the wrong day. It happens, and I suppose I have to start somewhere, I was just hoping it would be a little further up the results list.

The most frustrating part was watch girls I have been either ahead of or skiing with clobber me by over three minutes. At the same time, it gives me encouragment to know that I could be up there too.

At the moment I'm exhausted, I don't know if its from the race or just the anxiety of the last few weeks or too much training.

So now I just need to recover and get ready for friday.

Brooke
There are photos on www.x-c.com and www.skifaster.net

The Importance of a team...

After spending the last few days getting in some amazing skiis in Lake Louise (15cm of fresh powder yesterday, virtually untouched!) and then today at the race site in Canmore the one thing that keeps popping into my head is the importance of a team.

This "team" is not always other athletes that wear the same suit as you, although I get the "go Shayla" A LOT (which is fine, Shayla is awesome and hot, so its a good compliment!), but it is a mix of your friends, family, coaches, team members, wax technicians, team managers, boyfriends, girlfriends etc.

It is definetly possible to succeed without these elements in your life, but then the journey and experience would be lost- part of succeeding and pursuing a goal is sharing it with those that you meet along the way, using your experience to be a role model for younger athletes and sharing the trials and tribulations with others. Who would you call with tears of joy when suddenly all of those dreams and goals started becoming a tangible reality? none other then those a part of your team!

With the world cups less then a week away my team is even more important, not only to help me race fast, but also because I am pretty sure I wouldn't be standing on the start line without them!

CANMORE WORLD CUPS!

I MADE IT!!!

I am so so so excited! I was selected to race in the National Seed Group for all four races. BUT I will only race in three of them!

This is such a huge relief and affirmation of hard work for me- and I know that the hard part is still to come, but I'm moving forward and improving and that is definetly positive energy! Now the work has been done and all I have to do is race...and not get too intimidated by the fact thats its a frickin WORLD CUP...but this is what I have been dreaming about for so long and I feel pretty calm and ready for it!

I will try to write more later!
hugs,
brooke

TRIALS!!!

I just got back from the World Cup Trials in Duntroon this weekend. CCC hasn't posted anything yet regarding selections and I won't say "I made it" until I see my name in writing under "National Seed Group", but the races went well and I am consistent in my results. I was 4th in the pursuit and 8th in the 10km classic and 8th in the sprints. I also got my highest ever CPL points in the sprints on Saturday which was pretty cool! And I also learned that I have no tactical thoughts, reactions or abilities when it comes to sprinting- which cost me in the Semi-finals as I fell going around a technical corner because I didn't really read the course right and lost focus for just a few seconds- but I suppose that is what sprint is all about and I hope that I continue to get better at them because they are a lot of fun!!
So yeah, now I just have to wait to see what they do with the selections for these races...

Thank you for all the the good luck wishes and to those cheering on the course- it was such a fun weekend and I'm glad I had friends and family there!!!

ciao!
Brooke