Wow, Italy was incredible!
The skiing in St.Martin, IT was fantastic. Everyday we skiied there wasn't a cloud in the ski, the tracks were perfect and the temperature ideal. If it wasn't for the race course set up I would have led myself to believe that I was on a holiday- a perfect holiday.
First of all I want to thank my Dad, Mom, Grandparents, Uncle Philip and Elkhorn Resorts as well as Eric D'Nys, Dasha Gaiazova, Rhonda and Gord Jewett, Phil Villineuve and Chris Butler and I suppose I should thank Silvertip Resort for allowing me the flexibilty to leave for such a prolonged period of time - now that I re-read that list, that is a lot of people who helped get me to Europe. And again, this echo's just how incredible a support network I have.
So I suppose you want to know about the actual reason I was over there, the OPA cup. I wish I could say I went over to improve my sprinting prowess! Unfortunatly the few fast twitch muscles (okay the one fast twich muscle) I believe I have didn't really get quite as amped about the sprint as I was. I finished 18th out of 23...but hey I had to start somewhere, and really it was an 800m flat speed course that was over before I had time to blink! So I didn't get to start in the heats in the extremely cool downtown night sprint venue. So I went and drank some hot wine, apple cider and ate chocolate- its a close second to the actual racing! :)
After the sprint race we had Saturday to inspect the course for Sunday's 30km, checking out the start and finish, as well as where we would take feeds and get poles if they were broken.
There are three words I can use to describe this race: 1)Carnage, 2)Scary, and 3)Chaotic.
The race was not a typical format start. It was a loppet format. Meaning we would start with the Men. Now I want to take a moment and explain something about loppet skiing that I have observed over the last little while- Master Men do not like to be beat by girls. That said, the OPA Cup starters started ahead of the Loppet skiiers. So starting 2 minutes behind me were 300 angry Italian Men waiting to trample me. Basically at the start I was screaming my head off on the down hill because people were falling everywhere, poles were breaking everywhere and I had lost the womens pack (or so I thought). The first ten minutes were spent keeping my poles high enough in the air that no one would step on them, and then trying to stay on my feet and then trying to locate any of the OPA women- as the main purpose for my trip, although I hate to admit it was to get the points to be world cup eligible.
The thing with this race is that it didn't calm down at any moment. Every second and ounce of energy went into staying on my feet and trying to perform well. At about 10km I finally started to catch the tail end of the women's pack- let me just say that I am a very confident two-skater, I love this technique and there is nothing I love more then cruising at a fast pace two skating!. At the turn around the train kind of bottlenecked and I found myself blocked in by a bunch of men. I knew that if I didn't make a move now, I wouldn't be in contention for anything (at this point I didn't know what place I was). So I jumped in the classic tracks and created a new technique, frantically doublepoling with one arm and marathon skating into the forest off the trail trying to get around the men who were in no way letting me by. Finally I had an opening!! and jumped back into the two lane train...I took a quick glance to my left and saw two German women who I recognized from the world cup in Canmore. I had finally caught the women! I was so excited! a few minutes later after the train stretched out a bit (finally at 20k the men were getting tired) One of the french girls went cruising by so I jumped out and followed her. Then we entered the climb and I zig zagged through a few more girls. I knew we only 2 or 3km from the finish so I just started sprinting as hard as I could- knowing that these girls were going to go full blast at any moment. The only thing I can remember thinking was just keep hammering, don't fall, just go, just go and then it was over! I had no idea what place I was or what I had done. Then the Swiss Wax tech came up to me and said I had a good race, a really good race, that I was 5th. At that time I was pretty sure he was wrong and just smiled. BUT when I looked at the results I was 6th. It took a few seconds for it to sink in. I was 6th in a field of extremely good women and I was only 41seconds out of 1st. Wholly crap I just had the race of my life. I wanted to cry or jump or something. I had been waiting all season, no for the last three years for this to happen. To finally be proud of myself, to finally smile in acknowledgement that I CAN do this.
I didn't want to think about points at all. I just wanted to be happy with a good race, but as we cooled down I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed that I might not have earned the points I needed and so desperatly wanted- not so much for "selection" or "criteria", but I wanted a tangible number that is universal in skiing to tell me I was "good enough". This of course is the allusive FIS points. I need under 90FIS to be eligible to race in any European World Cup. It doesn't matter how I place in Canada, if you don't have these points it doesn't matter if you are winning every race in Canada, you cannot race in a European World cup (or so we are told). The other fear I had is that next year, because of my age I need 75 FIS to be eligible (according to Canada) yes, its extremely complicated and I try not to worry about it because as my coach says, if you just race eventually the results will come.
Well the results did come and I am happy to announce that I am now the proud owner of 69 FIS points!! (I sound like I bought a house- in a lot of ways, for the amount of money, sweat and tears I put into this I think I could have bought one by now!)
So what happened? why did I race well in Europe and not here in Canada? Simply put, it comes down to experience. The more you race a higher level, you will improve. Your body gets use to the speed, and for me, most of all, the stress and nerves are easier to deal with. During the Canmore World Cups I was so nervous I couldn't breathe, but when I went to Italy, I was more prepared, I knew what to expect and therefore could be more relaxed.
The other thing that made a difference is that I stopped racing for points and placing. I raced to race. I wanted to be absorbed and focussed for 100% of the duration of the race. I wanted to experience the journey in a positive way. Not, stressing out about wax, sleep, points, competitors. I just wanted to get to a state where I was relaxed enough to let my body do what it knows how to do best..HAMMER! We practice all summer and fall to teach our bodies to handle lactate and pain, yet sometimes the stress of the race, or what a good race could bring can hinder this natural habit to be able to hammer/ push hard. Instead of just racing as hard as you can, thoughts of failure, doubt, anger and bitterness cloud the reasons you chose to be a part of this sport.
I am not saying that now things are perfect. I still don't get to go to Europe to race world cup and I still am not on the National Team. Simply put, I need to create that state and race like I did when it matters most to the selection committee...but all I can do, and all that is ever in anyone's control is just to do the best you can with what you are given on that day. Beyond that it is a waste of energy and it takes away from the fun of competition, it changes who you are for the worse.
At the risk of sounding cheesy, as my mom always says "race from your heart thats all you can do".
Next up: Nationals at Callahan Valley!
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