When Secret Training is the only option!

Canmore is spectacular at the moment. Today it was about 5 degrees with freshly groomed trail. Now I should have enjoyed this ski EXCEPT, I had my head down hammering trying to keep up with my coach...my heart rate was about 180 most of the time and sentences were spurtetd out in one breath. Today I got "coached".

Now I have to go do some secret training because my ego is bruised...I will NEVER let this happen again!!

hahahaha, have a great day!

Brooke

Quick Nationals Post

This will be a quick post. I am at work and have a stack of paperwork, emails and messages to return. It seems that when I'm here I am more efficient then I think- when I'm not it is a big pile of administration, my heartrate always is super high the day back after a few days off of work- the red light flashing on my phone indicating messages is a big awful jolt of reality. I prefer my bubble on the ski trails!

That all said, I'm still at work, rambling and jittery from coffee- not a great state to be in if efficiency is the name of the game.

So I will write more later, but the good news is that I finally found out what it feels like to win. I always new it was supposed to be amazing, but very few things compare to skiing into first on your home course in front of your mom, the coaches who taught you to ski, coaches who just want you to perform to your potential that they always saw, teammates who pushed you so hard in the summer that limits are no longer part of your volcabulary and then at last being the one to throw your hands in the air at the finish line.

I won the National Championships aggregate this week after two golds, a silver and a 7th place.

Some may say they were tired from travel, or that they were sick or didn't have the best preparation for Nationals or that its a joke. I definetly let those comments take away from my wins. However nothing can really compare to getting high fives from friends, tearful hugs from your mom, a hug from your coach, bombarded by congrats from the coaches who taught you ski (along with the cookies that were so coveted on the bus to and from training in highschool), wax techs who worked so hard and dealt with my aloofness (to say the least) but were so happy to see good results, younger athletes who look up to you, hugs from far away friends via friends at the site, emails and cheers from people you didn't know, but now are a part of your network of support, grandparents who just are so happy to hear a giddy voice on the other end of the phone, the hugs from those who have seen you so crushed from "not making it" to witnessing the polar opposite and most of all, for once I didn't have a doubt that I was the fastest on that day!

I still don't know what I did differently. I think I was just happy to race and figured out how to manage my nerves- I'm not saying I wasn't nervous because I almost puked before every start, but I realized that the nerves meant I was ready. I didn't give energy away to others and above all I demanded more of myself, I was just so done with being dissapointed!

So yeah, pretty amazing week.

I should get back to work...

next up: Sharkfest and the Scandinavian Tour...still training, but today I think I will just go hang out in a hot tub with a stella!

ciao!

xob

Western Canadian Championships

Wow, we had amazing weather for the weekend!

After the World Cup and Rossland races I was pretty confused and upset and this added to the water I was throwing on my fire for racing! Not good at all!

So after a week of sleeping and basically walking around like a zombie I snapped back into reality and gave myself a quick kick in the ass! Life is too short to be bummed about something that I can't change!

So after some deliberation I decided that the best thing to do was to stay in Canmore and get fitter and work on my weaknesses. I wasn' t in the head space or physically prepared to go to Europe, so along with some of the other girls on the team we decided to "get faster".

Its been a good month, I feel like I am learning something everyday in technique and what works for me and my body is absorbing the training. Its also been awesome to bomb around with my teammates and just know that everyday I am improving. It definetly isn't world cup, world champs or OPA tour, but this is what I had to do. Its kind of like working your way up the corporate ladder- you have to pay your dues with a smile and enthusiasm, even if it means bringing the boss their venti, 1/2 foam, vanilla, non-fat cappachino with a sprinkle of chocloate and a pinch of cinnamon steamed at 104 degrees double cupped with a cup sleeve and stir stick. Meaning its tedious and frustrating, but you know that the hard work will pay off at some point. This is pretty easy to achieve under a blue bird ski, -1 temperature not skiing on a trail more then once in 3hrs- Note to readers...the Nordic Centre is AMAZING right now!

Westerns was a lot of fun! However the ankle biters on the Academy are getting fit FAST! So this wasn't going to be a walk in the park, and knowing you "should" win seems to provide enough pressure that I didn't need to add to it, so for the weekend I went with a purse to carry around the race trail instead of matching luggage. Wow, it was way lighter!

The sprints were not so fun. I really don't know what happens in classic sprinting. I have speed, I have strength, but something happens during the course of a classic sprint that inevitably makes me resember a "recreational" skiier (words from the coach!). So yeah, we will chalk that up to experience...BUT props to the girls from my team, man they are on fire right now...watch out Nationals!

The 10k classic was fun, I didn't have the same snap and energy that I had at the Bow Corridor the week before, but I did ski technically really well and I LOVED hearing a split in a classic race that I was first, I almost started giggling on the side of the course! I don't think that this has ever happened...pretty cool! That all said I need to be about two more minutes faster if I want to win a Noram.

The 15k skate. Oh man, this course was not a good one for someone who relies on climbing. the first 2.5 k of every loop was down hill and then there was some rolly sections, but no long steep climbs that are characteristic of Canmore. Let alone the downhill sections were technical and I am a bit of a sketch ball decsending. I'm never in control and the phrase "I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die, I'm okay I'm okay, sweet, sweet I made it, okay now go" seems to be on repeat when I go downhill. I decided that I wanted to win and win by a lot, so this kind of made me go a little too fast at the start and although I held it for about 11k I started to get to the point where I no longer could wipe the spit off my face and the downhill turned into a swearword-a-thon...all bad! I glanced behind me and saw a red arm...and then I just started skiing for survival. It was actually a lot of fun to know I could change gears, I haven't had that in a while. Huge props to Sara, she threw down and gave me a run for money...it bruised my ego a bit as I tend to think I am a skate specialist, but the 15k has always been a tough one for me!

All in all a great weekend!

We are racing at the Kananaskis ski Marathon/ Cookie race on Saturday...I'm so excited to get out there. K-contry where the venue is got over 50cm of new snow so the course I'm sure will be pristine and amazing!!!

have a great day!

xob

NEW SPONSOR: El Natura Lista Shoes

I am VERY excited to announce that El Natura Lists Shoes has come on board as a casual shoe sponsor. This company is emerging into one of the top shoe retailers around the world, please read below for what makes this company so special...I'm sure they're values will make you run out and buy a pair right away!

El Naturalista Frog Eco Policy:
El Naturalista is an international shoe brand that makes comfortable yet fashionable footwear inspired by nature and people. Adherence to our environmental policy is a prerequisite for doing business at El Naturalista. All suppliers, factories, agents and sales personnel must be strongly committed to our earth friendly practices.

We are continually working to find even better and more eco-friendly ways to produce our shoes. Our customers are aware of our environmental policies and our increasing sales demonstrate that consumers approve and support- our efforts.
We use natural materials and dyes
We avoid using polluting substances and toxic products
We seek to protect the environment
We maximize the use of biodegradable and recyclable/recycled materials
We pay fair compensation to providers and employees
We promoted traditional forms of production
We support the use of appropriate new technologies
We operate with corporate transparency
Shoes and material
El Naturalista uses the least harmful materials in the production of our shoes. We use natural dyes. We use recycled materials as much as possible: for example, the recycled polyurethane inner liner and the recycled rubber in soles (N 096 Iggdrasil). When dyeing leather, El Naturalista uses the least harmful chrome combination for the environment. Additionally, El Naturalista has developed the "pergamino leather", which is treated without the use of chrome.

Please visit their website at:http://www.elnaturalista.com/index.php/en

They even have a sweet music player.

For those in Canmore, they sell their shoes at Indigo Bay on Main Street

ciao,

Brooke

Thoughts

Shayla and I with our new "podium wear"..

Good Afternoon!

So this is the post that I really didn't want to write.

I spent the last eight days trying to push thoughts away, and trying to make a bit of sense of what I'm feeling.

I wish I was posting that I made the World Championships team. I didn't. Instead I was going to write a post that was hopefully motivating and listed off the things that I did wrong and try to put a positive spin on things. There were some things that went well, but really when I look at it from a numbers point of view which is definetly not the most delicate way to look at things. Simply put I wasn't fast enough.

I know, I'm really setting quite the tone for this post, but really thats all I can come up with. I didn't ski tough enough and I couldn't focus enough to fight to get where I needed to be. My body has been recovering quite well from everything this year. I haven't been sick and I've been consistent. All positives, but I haven't been able to go from good to great. I don't think I'm missing an extra 4th or 5th or 6th gear, I've made the finals in ever skate sprint this year. I also don't think I'm lacking endurance or fitness.

Basically I race to fitness which is what gets you in the mix, but it NEVER will make you a winner, it won't allow you to have that extraordinary day where you can't wipe the grin off your face. Racing to fitness puts you in a comfortable place where you almost always know you could have dug deeper.

Wow, this is getting more negative as I go.

In the state of confusion and sadness I have toyed with the idea of quitting- its not "stopping" or "bowing out" and when I spoke with one of my best friends about this his answer was the question " are you wanting to quit because you gave it your all and there are still faster skiiers in front of you or are you quitting because you don't love the sport anymore?". Ahhhh, interesting, it posed a bit of a dilemma in my point blank decision to quit.

I'm still thinking about the answer- I know what your thinking...if you loved it then the answer would be quick. But that is not always true. Sometimes the things you love the most are also what cause the greatest heartache!

All I know is that I am close, so very close and perhaps thats why it hurts the most. I wanted it to be now. I think about the hours of training this summer, the waivering in belief (which may have been what harmed me the most) and well it is overwhelming to think of putting in another summer.

The one positive I will take from this is that I have trained fulltime now for two years and I've made it this far, then what would happen if I added another year to the mix? Its not sacrifice, there is nothing that I have sacrificed. I love my life as an athlete, but I find the road to success quite stressful and I don't deal with it well. I tend to heap so much pressure onto myself that I drag this huge back pack (along with matching suitcase, ski bag, duffle bag and purse) around the course with me. If for once I could push it all aside and just ski for the pure joy of wanting to be the best athlete I can on any given day would probabley result in the accomplishment of goals I have set. So until I can check this baggage I know I will be on layover for a while.

It is frustrating, there is no easy way to deal with it. If I want to fix it, I have so much work to do- and none of that work is physical. I just don't know if I am strong enough to sift through the baggage.

I am fighting every thought to run away from this feeling, but I know that I have to fight it. Its not really about skiing anymore, its about becoming a stronger, tougher person and its a little scary right now.

Thank you to all those who cheered me on at the trials and world cups and thanks to those who have provided advice, hugs and a shoulder to cry on.

The cool part is that all those who were selected (namely Shayla and Chris) must be on cloud nine because the exact opposite of what I'm feeling is complete elation- so I am pretty excited for them. It just echos even more that you need to believe in yourself no matter what, and I haven't really nailed that down yet.

I don't know where I'm off to next. I think I will be heading to Vermont for a Super tour and then to New Hampshire or to do the American Birkie. We also have Western Canadian Champs here in Canmore, but yeah, its a little hard to get amped when you want to be racing world cup wearing your National team suit.

ciao

b

TRIALS WEEKEND

(yes, that is me with all the spit!)
Well the trials weekend is over.
There were things that went really well and things that I so badly wanted to go well, but didn't.

SKATE SPRINT:
I usually approach sprinting as a "workout" and as a way to learn to ski with more power and to learn to use tactics. I have never once thought I was a sprinter. That all said I surprised the heck out of myself on friday. The field was a lot weaker without the Americans and even some of the key Canadians weren't there, none-the-less the fastest were there! I made it through the heats pretty easily, and even felt confident enough in my kick that I didn't have to lead the heat- very cool to add another element! Now I know why sprinting is fun! As I lined up for the final all I could think about was that I have the same opportunity to win this as any other girl on the line! I ended up third, in a photo finish with Peri...its okay lunging is on my to-do list for this week! I was pretty excited!!

PURSUIT:
The pursuit was kind of a hard one to swallow. My body felt awesome, my skiis were good, and I was actually really confident in my ability which allowed me to be excited to race instead of letting my nerves run away with themselves.
The race started and I had a great position and I even remember saying to myself, this is too easy!! As we came around under the bridge of one of the fastest and longest downhill sections of the course on the first lap of the classic leg I hit a patch of ice that sent me to the edge of the course. I got back up as fast as I could, but lost the pack and I fought to get back on the train, but I just couldn't get them before all the downhill sections. I picked up a few spots and skated with everything I had, but in the end it just wasn't enough to get the leaders back. I ended up 6th which is not awful, but it isn't going to get me on a World Champs team. So after a sleepless night and I will admit, a whole bunch of tears. All I can summarize is that it just sucks and the result is not a reflection at all of where my fitness is. Its pretty frustrating. BUT I get a second chance in 10 days, so I am focusing on that. I know that I can be there, I just have to patient. ARGGGHHH!!!

CLASSIC SPRINTS:
Oh how I love learning experiences...

Not a bad trials, but not the great ones I had dreamed about!
xb

The Cold

The last week in Canmore has been an interesting one. When we got back from Silverstar we were greeted with frigid temperatures. Canmore was like a ghost town, no one was walking around on main street, no cars were driving and evidence of our van that had turned into an icebox around lake louise definetly all pointed to a very uncomfortable arrival home.

Even the first two days, I tried to remain positive, but after not being able to fullfill the volume block of training on my plan, I started to panic a bit. Then I started thinking about intensity and how I would keep things moving forward from the first races and well all I could think about was how much I wanted to go home to Ontario.

It is now only -14 in Canmore. Which is much more tolerable and I can do intensity in this weather too. We did do a 60 min z3/4 pursuit yesterday in -18 which is legal for races, so I figured I would have to get used to racing in the cold, slow snow. I was pretty tired at the end, but happy that I did it because I feel a lot more confident on this snow then I had other years.

The nordic centre is still taking their sweet time with opening the world cup loops- I am very anxious to get on these and do some intensity!

We have lots of workouts planned as a group which will keep things sharp.

have a great day!

Brooke