A GOOD QUOTE

"Human greatness begins where submission to fear ends. You cannot become wealthy like Bill Gates without first casting aside the fear that you will fail, without risking capital and prestige. You cannot become a Winston Churchill if you are intimidated by the evil power that you must fight. You can’t get a college degree if you’re afraid of taking tests, and you can’t win an Olympic gold medal if you’re afraid of losing a race. It is courage, not caution that leads to great success.”

I was on Sarah Hall's (a US Distance Runner) blog and she posted this quote. I thought it would go hand in hand with my last post...fear of failure is what keeps you pushing forward, but it cannot paralyze your thoughts to the point that not failing is all that matters...

Some thoughts

The World Cup week is over.

Initially I felt extremely bitter, upset, and frankly, pissed off. I spent the last three days in tears, even going to such lengths as breaking down in tears at work in front of co-workers and then trying to convey to them exactly why I was so upset.

The thing is I don't really know what I was/am so upset about, other then I wanted to be the best I could be on the most important day of the year. There were no expectations of me from anyone at any angle, but I found a way to load as much pressure as I could on to my shoulders to the point that I didn't even know why I was racing anymore.

I lost sight of what was important, why I was there and who I was. You can't have a good race when you can't see through a thick fog of the "what could be's", the "what if's" and quite simply an insurrmountable amount of stress.

I didn't ski for the experience and I certainly didn't ski for me or with my heart. I skiied scared of not succeeding- and you absolutley cannot have those thoughts.

The 10k skate was better then tuesday's pursuit, and I was determined to have fun- and I did and I felt like things were coming back together, but a conservative first lap doesn't always lend itself to a gutsy performance...I was afraid to fail. I played it safe and had a good result, but not a result that echos my fitness level or ability. I was paralyzed this week by the fear of "not making it" and now that I have pinpointed it, I think I can move forward.

The last email I sent to my coach stated " I don't think I can move past this" (this was also typed in tears just prior to a colleague knocking on my door-- I was so embarressed!)

Today is a better day and I am slowly shaking the self doubt and replacing it with "fight harder" and "you can do this". ITS NOT GOING to be easy in any way shape or form. Its always going to be hard- but the satisfaction of looking your fears in the face and fighting them is unparalled to anything else.

At first I thought I should quit...but thats the easy way out. I don't ever do anything the easy way...its not in me to quit or to back away. I have been faced with a lot of set backs and a lot of dissappointments, but to come out of them and look back on them and then see where I am now...well its just a temporary lesson. I've learned the lesson and now I need to use it to get faster.

The World Cup Stars are the best in the world because they have stuck through it, they have fought harder then anyone else, they know themselves, they know how to approach challenges and they know how to tiptoe over the edge of potential and defy what they thought was possible. I have to start believing that anything is possible. I have to start believing in myself. I am on the bubble- but I got here in 2yrs...I don't think I am doing anything wrong or that I haven't performed well, I just haved reached my potential.

The most inspirational performances were from Sarah Daitch and Madeline Williams (and of course Chandra- but she has already been on top and has found the recipe to do it again) they both hit their stride this week- I will admit I was green with jealously because they did what they needed to do on the day it mattered. BUT most of all they have worked so hard and have bounced back to perform and prove to the rest of us "independents" that its possible to break through...you just can't be afraid too. I wish them all the best on the World cup over the next month- I'm sure they will light it up!

So now I'm off to Ottawa for Eastern Canadian's...I love this event, there are hundreds of skiiers, great energy and moreso and chance to re-focus an remember why I ski...

Thank you to all those who have sat through the tears the last few days...I'll see you on the trails soon!!

Tough Day at the Office...

First of all the World Cup is quite possibley the coolest thing I've ever been a part of! Between the course, the cheering crowd, the music, the announcers, the teams from all over the world and the energy of the day, cross country ski racing doesn't get much better!

The race didn't go as I had wanted- it actually went pretty bad. I didn't ski for me, I skiied for some allusive placing I had no idea would be so hard to get. I forgot that I was in a World Cup and just couldn't focus on the moment and on myself. This coupled with slow skiis and a body that wouldn't cooperate on the day didn't make for the best of races. Its definetly a start and I am hungry to race again, but this time to prove to MYSELF I can do this. Basically I had a really bad race on the wrong day. It happens, and I suppose I have to start somewhere, I was just hoping it would be a little further up the results list.

The most frustrating part was watch girls I have been either ahead of or skiing with clobber me by over three minutes. At the same time, it gives me encouragment to know that I could be up there too.

At the moment I'm exhausted, I don't know if its from the race or just the anxiety of the last few weeks or too much training.

So now I just need to recover and get ready for friday.

Brooke
There are photos on www.x-c.com and www.skifaster.net

The Importance of a team...

After spending the last few days getting in some amazing skiis in Lake Louise (15cm of fresh powder yesterday, virtually untouched!) and then today at the race site in Canmore the one thing that keeps popping into my head is the importance of a team.

This "team" is not always other athletes that wear the same suit as you, although I get the "go Shayla" A LOT (which is fine, Shayla is awesome and hot, so its a good compliment!), but it is a mix of your friends, family, coaches, team members, wax technicians, team managers, boyfriends, girlfriends etc.

It is definetly possible to succeed without these elements in your life, but then the journey and experience would be lost- part of succeeding and pursuing a goal is sharing it with those that you meet along the way, using your experience to be a role model for younger athletes and sharing the trials and tribulations with others. Who would you call with tears of joy when suddenly all of those dreams and goals started becoming a tangible reality? none other then those a part of your team!

With the world cups less then a week away my team is even more important, not only to help me race fast, but also because I am pretty sure I wouldn't be standing on the start line without them!

CANMORE WORLD CUPS!

I MADE IT!!!

I am so so so excited! I was selected to race in the National Seed Group for all four races. BUT I will only race in three of them!

This is such a huge relief and affirmation of hard work for me- and I know that the hard part is still to come, but I'm moving forward and improving and that is definetly positive energy! Now the work has been done and all I have to do is race...and not get too intimidated by the fact thats its a frickin WORLD CUP...but this is what I have been dreaming about for so long and I feel pretty calm and ready for it!

I will try to write more later!
hugs,
brooke

TRIALS!!!

I just got back from the World Cup Trials in Duntroon this weekend. CCC hasn't posted anything yet regarding selections and I won't say "I made it" until I see my name in writing under "National Seed Group", but the races went well and I am consistent in my results. I was 4th in the pursuit and 8th in the 10km classic and 8th in the sprints. I also got my highest ever CPL points in the sprints on Saturday which was pretty cool! And I also learned that I have no tactical thoughts, reactions or abilities when it comes to sprinting- which cost me in the Semi-finals as I fell going around a technical corner because I didn't really read the course right and lost focus for just a few seconds- but I suppose that is what sprint is all about and I hope that I continue to get better at them because they are a lot of fun!!
So yeah, now I just have to wait to see what they do with the selections for these races...

Thank you for all the the good luck wishes and to those cheering on the course- it was such a fun weekend and I'm glad I had friends and family there!!!

ciao!
Brooke